This is my leaving present to you... so you can keep up to date with my moans but also so I can tell you about the silly things that happen to me and help you with your English my friend!!
I'm not starting with a moan this time (although I had to cue for 10 bloody minutes at the bank today while some stupid old biddy messed around with her savings in the middle of my lunch break..RAHHH), no I'm starting with a story about the latest weirdos I'm attracting and why.
I bought a new coat the other day. Nothing unusual in that accept instead of buying the usual black I thought that for a change I'd go all colourful and bought a bright pink one... BIG MISTAKE... as if I don't attracted enough weirdos already I now appear to have bought a coat with a sign on it that says 'Weirdos of the World please talk to me'.
Since I bought this bloody coat (which it has to be said is very nice and looks great on me) I have been preached at by a Born Again Christian, harrassed by every charity worker in town (sometimes twice in one day), asked to buy a copy of The Big Issue at least a dozen times a day, sung at by a Hari Kristna and hugged by a homeless Russian man (I promise this is all true).
Then on Monday I made the mistake of wearing it to Brighton. I went to the Brighton Dome to see Grumpy Old Women... I know what you're thinking Raul.. I shouldn't have been watching it I should have been in it (but less of the old if you don't mind). Luckily I had warned my friend that I tend to attract the kind of people most others would run away from so she was prepared.
Before the show we had a rather awful meal at a restaurant and decided to cheer ourselves up by having Doughnuts on the Pier for pudding. Big mistake. The owner of the Doughnut place was a middle aged Italian who's first comment was "Lady in Pink... What colour is your coat?".... Now correct me if I'm wrong but how stupid can one person be? Thinking about it I should have said something funny like "Sunshine Yellow" or "Sea Green" but I reply "Er Pink". While I am patiently waiting for his assistant to cook my bloody Doughnuts he manages to drop into a conversation (that he seems to be having on his own) that he is divorced and is definately NOT gay. Now pardon me for not giving a shit but why on earth would I care if he is Gay or not? He then tells me that he visited Worthing recently, went for a meal and that there were four gay men there. Can you imagine that! FOUR gay people in a restaurant at once!! Someone needs to tell this man that there is no law on how many gay people can be in one place at the same time.
Anyway, we made a quick get away and walked along the seafront eating our doughnuts only to then have some very odd looking man staring directly at me walk towards us and move out of my way at the very last second!! Now either he was after one of my doughnuts or my bloody coat was working it's evil magic again.
Luckily we saw the show and got home safely without any further problems!
WHY ME RAUL? I know I'm not the most normal of human beings but really why me... again? I'm thinking of writing to the shop where I bought my coat and making an official complaint about it. What do you think? LOL... would be a great letter though wouldn't it? Might do it just for a laugh.
Anyway chum... I will do my best to keep this up to date. England will be a sadder place without you my friend. Maybe Tim and I could come and visit you. You have GREAT Spiders in Venezuela don't you? I might even try and learn a bit of Spanish por favor... lol
Speak soon xx
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